Comfort those who mourn
This week, many football fans received the news that Liverpool player, Diogo Jota died in a car crash, leaving behind 3 young children and a wife whom he married two weeks ago. Additionally, there are those in our church who have recently received news of the death of a loved one. When we witness death, it is clear to see that it is unnatural, in the sense that we were never made to die. Death comes as a result of sin, that we are born into. (Romans 5:12) Yet a time of bereavement is inevitable for us all. How should we as Christians comfort someone who has experienced loss? It can be awkward because we don't always know what to do or say. If you are like me, you're oftentimes afraid of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Here is some wisdom that I hope is helpful in how to comfort those who mourn.
Number one: Do not assume that this person wants or needs space. If this person is a true, dear friend of yours, not only do they want to hear from you, they need to hear from you, and even if they don't express it, they expect to hear from you. When we do not reach out, it actually can compound their pain, because now they're not only dealing with the loss of their loved one, but they're also dealing with whether or not the people closest to them have a genuine concern.
Number two: Do not talk too much. Ephesians 4:29 says, ‘Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.’ Now, this doesn't mean that we don't talk at all; it just simply means to use wisdom whenever we speak. Sometimes, we don't always know what to say, and so, to compensate for that, we try to say too much. We should refrain from saying things like, "Well, they're in a better place," or, "It was just their time," or, "You'll see them again," because, first of all, we don't even know if those things are true, but, second of all, they are dealing with the reality of the loss right now and they can find it hard to think past that.
The first thing that every person who's dealing with a loss desperately needs is your prayers—not just you praying for them, but, more importantly, praying with them. There's something encouraging that happens when you lay your hands on somebody, and they hear you praying and crying out to God on their behalf.
The second thing that they need is your presence. In the Book of Job, we read of a man who lost his health, his wealth, his family, and many of his friends deserted him. At the end of chapter one, it says that his three friends saw the excruciating pain that he was dealing with, and for seven days, they came and wept with him; they sat with him, and they did not say a word. Sometimes, our presence in the most difficult seasons of their life can mean far more than any words that we could express to them. So, weep with those who weep, listen to them no matter how long it takes.
The third thing that they need is practical support. In Proverbs 3:27-28 it says, "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it." Oftentimes, when a person is experiencing a loss, they are still in a state of shock and denial, and they may or may not be in the mental state to do certain things and get certain things done. So, simply ask them, "Is there anything that I can do to serve you?" Doing simple things like inviting their children over to your house for dinner, helping with chores, or sending them a gift card—are tangible ways that we can show love and practical support to those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one.
Finally, they need our patience. In other words, don't pass judgment on them if their theology isn’t immaculate at that time. Understand that everyone deals with loss in a different way, and depending on the depth of the relationship, it may take them a considerable amount of time to process and deal with their grief.
